When I started growing In Christ in 2009, a heart of contempt starting growing at the same time in my house. It started real slow, hardly able to recognize because I was still unsure of what was happening to me with Holy Spirit Living In me, Truth be told. As the years ticked on, God renewed a Steadfast Spirit within me, was transforming my mind, and transformed many things around me. All by The Grace of God. 2012 we moved to Coronado which was the time I went to my first ever bible study. God would for sure change many things In me in the coming years. Some things seemed to change almost immediately, other things took longer to percolate. The Lord used a stronger means of Contempt and it was at its highest around 2019-2022. I honestly wasn’t sure what God was doing in my life except I was being refined by fire. Attending bible studies and Holding bible studies didn’t seem like a blessing, but more like a grave risk. Oddly enough I kept going. The fire in my belly for The Lord Jesus was pure and real, I could not resist. But there was resistance. I had to learn contentment in the flames of Christ. I learned to Listen to The Lord, loved my husband as best I could, The Lord making me recognize that Salvation was at hand. And I believed Him with every fiber of my being. At one point my confession was so sorrowful that i pleaded wirh The Lord, I dont want to be Your ambassador if it means losing my husband. God was clear, stay with Me, don’t run, you haven’t lost anything, I Am your Gain. Well, His Grace and Word to me helped me release everything off of my heart. To the point of, according to Your Word, this must be Grace to me then. And indeed it was. I’ll hold to Your Promise Father. It didnt matter what came at me, God held me fast. I knew my Defender, and I reminded my household. I became a sort of immovable rock except I prayed Lord, not a “gray rock” that has no feeling. I became filled each day with The Spirit full of Grace and Truth. God filled me every hour of every day, as I sat with My Savior, wept with Him, laughed with Him, enjoyed His Provision immensely, acknowledged the work that God was doing In me as much as I was able to articulate. Staying in constant prayer was my Refuge. Then one day, God lifted it all. The contempt was over, I became adored because of the faith God gave In me rather than despised. It was almost too much to gratefulness that my heart could take so I did what I had learned to do – Gave it up to The Lord also. The kindness wasn’t even mine to behold, but Christ Alone!
But God had made me wait for it. He caused my heart to sing in the desert, so that I would sing to Him on the mountain. He knew the path He was taking me on, to see Him, to be completely satisfied In Him. Today on the other side of Redemption is a marriage united by The Blood of The Lamb. Not by anything we did, but because of what He did. Now every day, we both draw near to Jesus together in prayer and devotion to His Word and understand our need to go away and sit with Jesus in private. We both understand the goodness and blessedness of fellowship with The family of God not just on Sunday’s but every day.
One of my favorite CS Lewis quotes where he references Matthew 6:33 put first things first and you get second things thrown in but put second things first and you miss out on both first and second things.
See first His Kingdom and His Righteousness and all these other things will be given to you.
I Praise God for The Bridegroom
In Love,
Rachel
