September 3, 2018

19 years Sept 4th with this faithful man whom I adore!!!  Our ongoing marital theme… Who can stop The Lord Almighty?! He is Rich in Mercy! Great is Thy Faithfulness, Great is Thy Faithfulness morning by morning new mercies I see, all I have needed Thy hand hath provided, great is Thy Faithfulness Lord unto Thee.

Ohhhh this very handsome man of mine, Gary …he always has his eyes on me, this is a blessed gift from The Lord and one that God has helped me to cherish about him. This last year, my lover and best friend, we both got more than we asked for spiritually, emotionally, and mentally and even physically by the Grace of God – I still don’t fully understand this God filled Love that continues to flourish and has Kept our action packed marriage between 2 intense people for 19 years!! I am soooooo very thankful we get to enjoy this life together and can struggle and battle through it all honestly and openly with Jesus Christ at the helm. When I think back to how this marriage got started, it was like a tornado or a perhaps rated R movie scene, guy pursues girl obsessively, girl not knowing what/who she wants or who she is, so she pushes away continually…a fast, hard pursuit of continual drama craziness- both of our personalities came head on loudly! My stubborn self battled that for years..I frankly did not want to be pursued, I wanted to be left alone to do what I pleased.. then Jesus shows me in Gary a Christ- like pursuit, He (Christ) never gave up on me, He is The giver of every good gift and the ones we think bad and want to reject are ultimately for our sanctifying good. The Lord gave this man for me, He created this man for me, He designed this man for me, to sanctify me greatly and wow where Christ has brought us today 19 years later is a Divine Act of Redemptive Love, A story being written by God of epic proportion. Oh but by the grace of God, through many exciting endeavors, risky pursuits, much hiding, lunacies, twists, turns, mountains, valleys, devils snares, when I ponder the spiritual battle above going on on our behalf, it must look pretty comical but I know its eternally very serious and as I sit here dwelling on Gods protection, provision, and power throughout our marriage I am able to clearly see and give this glorious testimony,

How can I not love Gary for the rest of my life on earth, let me preface by saying my sweetie has major issues (for the sake of time and respect, I will leave his out…lol), but mine are worse, I in fact, Jesus has so gently and mercifully shown me that I am the greatest sinner I know, and if God ever decided to let me go, I’d leave! Paul was correct when he confessed the same thing! So it’s by The Power of Jesus Christ, through His unrelenting mercy towards me that I can cling to His robe of righteousness, for His Name Sake.

1 Timothy 1:15-16 “here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into he world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life.”

Here is a bold reality I had to come to terms with after being raised a Christian, I personally wasn’t a Christian until 10 years after we got married… (believing in God, even the demons believe, and being a Christian (follower of Jesus Christ) are 2 completely different realities that God did not reveal to me until I was 33 yrs old) recognizing also I could not make myself be a Christian, because there is no one who seeks God, not even one (Roman’s 3:10-17), it was The Lords gracious hand of relentless Mercy, His Life giving injection of Divine Supernatural Powerful intervention towards my deadness, through the Life giving blood of Jesus Christ. I had no love, no light, no heart for God, only for my self, my desires, my ambitions, everything was about me, but still to the world I was a good person, I seemed loving, a good friend, all sorts of worldly good, so everyone unknowingly just let me be the sinner I was with no regard for Jesus Christ. A strong delusion (1 thes 2:10-12) preceded me greatly. Until that sweet saving moment God awakened me to Him, turned my stone rock hard heart to a heart of compassion, to take notice, He compelled me to turn from myself and Receive this abounding Faith that poured out onto me like a Siv, His mercy, this understanding of all my sin and disaster He had kept me from when I did not acknowledge Him for it, when I did not and could not Praise Him. He injected a heart thirsting for Him, a heart that continually worships Him, sings to Him, this heart of ongoing repentance that I had never had, this delightful communion with Him through His Word and prayer that I don’t ever want to escape, I continually want His filling, His Joy, His Peace continually going on in my heart during whatever issue or blessing I’m facing! I am set free daily from myself and others, my allegiance is lined up rightly towards my God, my King, my Savior. I am A Live Woman walking and I get it, to some it can be scary, its supernatural to me because if you sit me down for more than 3 minutes, Jesus’ Name will be proclaimed because there is nothing that doesn’t involve Him, because it’s all about Him, my heart is consumed by Him. But get this, He is pursuing you also in the most gentle of ways right now, do you see it? Ask Him directly and He will show you how because this life is all about Him! My caution is this, life consists of storms and a storm will come by The Grace of God which will command your attention towards Him or not, but He can and will make you see if He wants you to see Him and Praise God for it! My eyes, I can barely contain Lord what You have done in revealing to me Your Mercy, I will only Boast in you alone. Your Holy Spirit is Almighty and Powerful, You Alone keep us in Your perfect peace.
Onward Gorken Christian Soldiers (2 thes 2:13-17)