The Day my life was Devastated

On April 26, 2009 I found out The Truth… Are you kidding me?  I’m not in control of my life? I’m not in charge? Surely I had been tricked or did see The Light? My encounter with The Holy was nothing less than earth shattering for me and Heaven opening and coming down on me! The more I questioned, The more The Lord revealed. Never had I questioned before meeting The Holy, I was delusionally walking through life footloose and fancy free, or rather I was walking in a very sly, deceptive bondage of slavery!  Everything changed in that moment. Before knowing The Holy, I never loved and my jacked up sin-filled love was agenda driven… it was what am I getting out of the deal and it came so naturally, it seemed so loving.  But WOW, did The Holy reveal to me the great depth of sin there. The only thing I could do was cry out in agony, realizing how desperately I needed Him every moment to help me! Understanding myself and the depraved nature I was living in was the best gift God gave to me, other than eternal life through the propitiation for my sins through The Savior, Lord Jesus Christ. Boy did Christ rock my world, I though This is Amazing Grace!  The song I had sung for my whole life made sense after 33 stubborn years.  My whole life of 33 years, I was wrapped up in the worst sin….pride; One question I will ask God when I see Him in All His Glory is “why did you take so long to devastate me?” It makes me cry uncontrollably at His Mercy on my life but why age 33, why not 13; in fact Lord, I could have used it… You saw my competitive spirit, my prideful spirit, taking no thought of You, yet You let me go my way – it disgusts me Lord and it pains me still!  I hate the thought of being against You now. But it is all YOU! You Decide, You Plan, Your Ways are Higher than my ways, Your Thoughts are Higher than my thoughts, so even though I ask the question, I will Trust You and Thank You in ALL Circumstances, that I am Yours! Lord, I am so In Love with Your Way (Who You Are and What You have done), I can’t hold it in, Lord I must share The Goodness of Your Power, The Beauty of Your Grace, The Relentless Pursuit of Your Love, and Your Unending Mercy, without which no one will know You, and certainly no one will turn to You.

Just yesterday my son had a minor break in his left wrist…”it’s not the break that is painful,” he said, “it’s the things I can’t do. Now I understand how devastating it is when a N. Carolina basketball player gets injured during preseason.” Oh man, Grant it really is, but how I wish I was devastated when I was in college – life was all about me and I had no clue, nor regard for anyone. Grateful to God for His protection over my family, that I see and Give Glory to God Who protected Grant’s head from injury, even spared his dominant hand. Grateful for so many testimonies I get to share with my son, Lord! In Jesus’ Name!

For The Mighty One has done great things for me; and Holy is His Name. And His Mercy is upon generation after generation toward those who Fear Him. Luke 1:49-50

 

Rachel

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